China: Out of Office email response generated 07.18.12 thru 08.03.12:

After 88 consecutive Video Conferencing Control shifts, Susan P. has successfully managed to dig her way to China. For the next two weeks she will be individually counting six kilometers worth of steps on the Great Wall and learning how to say, “Where can I buy a poncho,” and “I would really like to use a fork,”  in both Mandarin and Cantonese. Unfortunately, Susan does not have a ‘smart phone’ and will be doing all her navigation based on intuition and heart. There is no chance this will turn out well for her. The earliest she will have email access is August 3rd. Unless, of course, she contracts SARs, in which case the reply time might be infinitely delayed.

Farewell.

St. Lucia: Out of Office email response generated 10.14.13 thru 10.19.13:

Hello.

Susan is (once again) attempting international travel without the aid of a smartphone or WIFI-enabled electronic device. She possesses strong intuition-based navigation skills and a printed out packet of mapquest directions (yes, people still use mapquest).

She will return only after thoroughly working on her sunburn, (insert fist-bumping-the-equator emoticon here) and finishing some library books on the beach (yes, people still go to the library also). 

The earliest she will have email access is October 20th. Unless, of course, she decides to get some hands-on hurricane experience, in which case the replay time might be infinitely delayed.

Farewell.

Iceland: Out of Office email response generated 03.18.14 thru 03.23.14:

Hello,
Susan is currently “off the grid” while traveling in Iceland.
Trip Itinerary:
Photograph the Northern Lights
Meet REAL Vikings
Avoid frostbite while day tripping near the Arctic Circle
Avoid having to use any Icelandic phrases, especially, “Ég þarf smá hjálp. Ég er týnd.”　 Her linguistic preparedness mimics the temperatures: subpar.
Smuggle an elf (a REAL elf!) back into the States
　
The earliest she’ll have email access is March 23rd, unless of course, Eyjafjallajökull decides to spew 250 million cubic meters (#MetricSystemIsGrowingInPopularity) of ash into the sky, a lá April 2010. That would severely disrupt air travel.
Farewell.